This Is The Part Where Pyrrha Dies
by ElfCollaborator
Summary: Pyrrha gets killed by Cinder. Pyrrha takes a lot of issue with this. Hilarity possibly ensues. Parody of Volume 3 Episode 12. Rated T for shenanigans and risque situations. Inspired by momoxtoshiro's On Wings of White. Parody, crack, minor Arkos (not like canon didn't confirm it anyway). Now, the unnecessary sequel that nobody asked for, with 100% worse jokes!
1. Script Gag Ending

**This Is The Part Where Pyrrha Dies**

 **A/N: Welcome, one and all, to…..not a Reactsverse fic. Huh. Anyway, let me explain myself before I make a fool of myself.**

 **So, we all know by now Pyrrha dies (spoiler alert, oh my god). Anyway, so you guys may remember my older fic,** **This Is The Part Where Ruby Dies** **, making fun of annoying deathfics. Now, there's even MORE annoying deathfics BECAUSE Pyrrha died, so I've been prompted to write my own, ah,** _ **answer**_ **. Anyway, after all that stuff in canon, we need a little comedy in this section. Come on guys, shape up!**

 **The other thing is I've read the esteemed master/mistress of RWBY writing in this fandom,** **momoxtoshiro** **'s response to Pyrrha dying, in their fic** **On Wings of White.** **I can only agree with most of their points. If you haven't read it yet, go read it now, just like all of their work, it's a brilliant fic.**

 **So, I've decided I'll take a stab at doing something like it myself. As per usual for me, it'll neither be good, nor funny. Let's do it anyway!**

 **DISCLAIMER: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth, otherwise Pyrrha wouldn't be dead. (I'm sorry, I've run out of jokes. I'm saving them all for this one.) Spoiler alert, although if you've read the title, you know what this is about anyway.**

 **All mentioned franchises and characters belong to their respective owners.**

* * *

"It's unfortunate that you were promised a power that was never truly yours." Cinder muttered, looking cruelly down at the downed Huntress. With a finger, she lifted Pyrrha's chin up, smiling.

"But…..take comfort in knowing that _I_ will use it in ways you could _never_ have imagined."

Pyrrha pulled away from her touch, looking away briefly, assessing her situation.

These were her last moments, she was sure of it. Her heel was hurt, nobody was around to help her, and she was out of energy to even throw a tiny piece of metal at Cinder.

'… _..I'm sorry, Jaune. I…had to do this.'_

It was over. However, the spearmaiden wouldn't go out without one last jab at her killer. One last question to pierce her armour.

She raised her head up, glaring at Cinder with as much defiance as she could muster.

"Do you believe in destiny?"

Cinder's eyes narrowed, and she paused briefly, processing what she had just been said.

"Yes." She responded bluntly, before stepping back. With outstretched arms, she called together her bow, forming an arrow in her hands, stretching the bowstring back and aiming directly at Pyrrha's heart.

The spearmaiden resisted the urge to close her eyes, to turn away from her doom.

'… _I'm sorry.'_

Ruby clambered up over the edge of the balcony, just in time to witness her friend's execution. No time to reach over, no time to save her, no time even to shout out one last comforting remark to let her friend know she was not alone.

Cinder let loose her arrow, sinking it directly into Pyrrha's chest.

However, it was not to be. Pyrrha caught the arrow, holding a hand up.

"Wait, wait, wait WAIT!" The spearmaiden held up, causing Cinder and Ruby to stare at her confusedly.

"Huh? What gives?" Cinder frowned, tilting her head. "This is the scene I execute you!"

"That's not what happens!" Pyrrha protested, standing up on both feet, wiping off the blood from her calf wound. "I thought this was the scene where you _try_ to execute me and Ruby saves me with her super speed!"

The reaper shrugged. "…actually, I was told you died at this part and I just stood here and-wait a second. Why _don't_ I just save you with my super speed?"  
"Because you can't! How can you outspeed an arrow-actually, you've got a point there." Cinder conceded, tossing her bow aside and placing a finger on her chin. "But, wait a second."

She took out a script from the folds of her dress, flipping through it and motioning Pyrrha to come over to look at it.

"See?" The pyromancer pointed at a part of the script. "Right there. Stage directions say 'Cinder takes out her bow and shoots Pyrrha in the chest'. 'Pyrrha is then to choke to death on her own blood and die.' See, right there? This is the part where Pyrrha dies."

"…..are you kidding me? That's what it says?" Ruby sidled up over to the script.

"Haaaang on a sec!" Jaune came in from behind one of the cogs, frowning as he stormed over to Cinder and everyone else to check the script. "Are you saying Pyrrha just…..dies?!"

Pyrrha sighed. "Apparently so. Who even wrote that in?"

"Look, lady, I'm here to pay the bills, not to ask questions." Cinder remarked. "Now just sit back over there, kneel like a good girl and get shot by an arrow and choke to death."

"No way!" Pyrrha cried, taking out her own script, flipping through it to confirm she did indeed die in this scene. "Like…..that's stupid! I mean, I get the whole 'I get shot in the heel because I'm an Achilles expy' thing, but…..really?"  
Ruby frowned. "I'm fast enough to tackle her before the arrow even hits her! Why don't I get to save her?"

" Because that's not how tragedy works, Ruby." Cinder sighed exasperatedly. "Seriously, it's like I'm working with a bunch of amateurs."

Jaune stared at her. "Tragedy?! Okay, fine. I get they had to kill Penny off, Torchwick, even-"  
"Hey, I'm still irritated about that." Cinder remarked. "He got a bigger paycheck than me, for Dust's sake! Just because all the fangirls love him…."

"But really? They set Pyrrha up to die so hard, and then just kill her off?"

Ruby nodded in agreement. "He's got a point. The way they set Pyrrha up, she was as doomed as a Sean Bean role. Or a cute girl in a Gen Urobochi anime. They could've _tried_ to subvert it!"  
"And they just made me kiss Jaune, too!" Pyrrha complained. "That's just cruel! I mean…..I want to be with him and not die! The fans have been waiting WAY too long for this! _I've_ been waiting way too long for that! You know how long I've been waiting to have a kissing scene with Jaune? Three _volumes_! Three!

And I'm going to complain about how this whole thing came about to begin with. Where was Weiss? Why wouldn't Weiss help Ruby with me? And another thing, I'd probably stop by to grab some back-up before I headed up here to begin with.

I mean, I'm facing a _goddess_. I want _someone_ to back me up so I _at least_ have some chance of beating her!"  
"Well, I mean, they give you a chance at beating me….." Cinder pointed out weakly, but Pyrrha wouldn't have her protests.

"And another thing- you're supposed to be a goddess, but I'm _beating_ you for most of the fight! And suddenly you grow teleportation powers and just shoot me in the leg?! Are you kidding me?!" The spearmaiden snapped. "Screw that! Amber didn't have those! Why do you?!"  
"I…." Cinder weakly raised a finger, but Pyrrha, again, refused to have her protests. She harrumphed, crossing her arms in annoyance.  
"Screw this. They're not paying me enough to do this. I quit! The writers have got to quit doing that! They just set me up to die, so screw that, I'm out of here, they can take my paycheck, whatever. No more nice girl Pyrrha!" Pyrrha cried before grabbing Jaune by the collar. "Come on, lover boy."  
"U-uh? What-" Jaune inquired, but before he could complete his sentence, the spearmaiden pushed her lips into his, dragging him behind a pair of large cogs to presumably make out.

Cinder shook her fist at Pyrrha's back as she left out of disgust. "You can't just quit! Pyrrha? Come back here! Pyrrha!"

"She kinda just did." Ruby pointed out, sighing. "You know….this is kinda ruined now."  
"You think?" The pyromancer replied, before huffing. "This was supposed to be my big villainous moment, you know. This was the big moment where I was gonna show everyone how evil I was! And get a pay raise!

I take out an arrow and kill a student and one of the main characters-wait, that sounds…..very, very wrong."  
"Yes, fantasise about killing children." Roman remarked from nearby, twirling his cane. "You know, I don't know why you're complaining. I got stuck with Miss Sugar Rush over here,", he remarked, pointing over to Penny, who was fiddling with what appeared to be a film camera recording the scene. "And I got killed before I even got to finish _my_ big speech! At least all the fangirls want me back for some more stuff, although who this 'Hannibal Chau' guy is, I've no clue."

"Yes, but you weren't even important to begin…..you know what? I'm done." Cinder threw her hands up in exasperation. "This is overrated and now we can't even finish shooting because the big star of the scene just _quit_ to make out with her boyfriend.

I'm going for some shawarma. I need some, anyway, today's shooting's given me a headache. You guys up for it?"  
Ruby drooled at the mention of shawarma. "Oooooh, I love shawarma. I don't even know when I last had any! Count me in!"  
Pyrrha's head poked up over the cog, her normally well-groomed hair messed up and no longer in a ponytail.

"Shawarma…." She said, out of breath and breathing heavily. " O-oh….I-I'd be up for that!"

"…make yourself decent first." Torchwick remarked drily. "Well, food's on me. They gave me a _really_ nice severance package and I'm feeling generous tonight."

"This whole thing's a farce." Weiss remarked irritably as she watched her fellow castmates leave. "It's like some idiot tried to write a terrible parody of film-making…..whatever.

You guys, wait for me! I want food too!"

 _Somewhere else…._

A trio of shadowy, dark figures sighed, watching their stars leave the set to go eat food instead.

"I don't get it!" The shadowy figure on the right said. "How could they question the masterpiece that is my script?! This was perfect despair! Perfect!

All the fans getting their Arkos tease and having poor Pyrrha just snatched away like that!"  
"Well, they had a point." The figure on the left pointed out. "Weiss wouldn't let Ruby go up there to face a literal goddess alone, and Pyrrha's probably smarter than that too. Not to mention all the plot holes we left…."  
The figure in the middle rubbed their head, grabbing a director's beret. "….we're going to need to think of a new way to continue this show. And to think we were going to make Jaune one of the big stars…."

"Well, we're going to have to deal with that first." The shadowy figure on the left pointed outside, to a group of angry protesters with torches and pitchforks, raising various fan artworks of Pyrrha and Jaune doing everything from kissing to rather risqué acts and advancing inexorably towards their door.

"…and we pissed the fans off. Well.

It was a pleasure knowing you all, gentlemen, I think I'll see you in the next life."

* * *

And so, the whole cast of RWBY decided to go out for a nice dinner instead of shooting each other to death with flaming arrows of killing death and the directors of the whole farce were dragged out and beaten with pillows for ruining their fan preferred couple.

Pyrrha and Jaune got hitched, had many children, and grew old together in a retirement home, as they should.

And it ended happily ever after. For everyone except the directors, of course.

And Cardin. Nobody cares about him.

* * *

 **END**

* * *

 **A/N** : **I have no regrets. #ArkosForever scumbags. Also, I hope I did the efforts of the great** **momoxtoshiro** **justice when I tried to take the mickey out of the ending, because damn am I ALSO bitter about it and the plot holes.**

 **So, I hope you enjoyed that, leave your ideas, comments, criticisms, thoughts, suggestions and reviews, and I hope you have a GREAT day!**


	2. Alternative Ending(s)

**This Is The Part Where Pyrrha Dies: Alternative Ending**

 **A/N: Welcome, one and all, to…..what even? You thought this was a oneshot? Well, it seems you got the wrong half of my message and decided to go write sad fix fics or fics where Pyrrha just meets Jaune in the afterlife. Bollocks to that, I say! Pyrrha doesn't deserve a sad send-off like this! This is EXACTLY what I said with the Cockerel Festival ages ago in my other fic! Let's not remember Pyrrha in the saddest way possible, but let's remember her as the girl she was. In the words of the great Kallen Kozuki, "You fellas know exactly what this badass mother can do!"**

 **So, I guess I have to toss my hat in one last time and take it upon myself to give her a good one. I have no regrets about this whatsoever.**

 **DISCLAIMER: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth, otherwise….you know, I can't say "Pyrrha wouldn't have died" twice. Um. I dunno. Pyrrha's future daughter by Jaune would've saved her? *shrug***

 **All mentioned franchises and characters belong to their respective owners.**

* * *

"It's unfortunate that you were promised a power that was never truly yours." Cinder muttered, looking cruelly down at the downed Huntress. With a finger, she lifted Pyrrha's chin up, smiling.

"But…..take comfort in knowing that _I_ will use it in ways you could _never_ have imagined."

Pyrrha pulled away from her touch, looking away briefly, assessing her situation.

These were her last moments, she was sure of it. Her heel was hurt, nobody was around to help her, and she was out of energy to even throw a tiny piece of metal at Cinder.

'… _..I'm sorry, Jaune. I…had to do this.'_

It was over. However, the spearmaiden wouldn't go out without one last jab at her killer. One last question to pierce her armour.

She raised her head up, glaring at Cinder with as much defiance as she could muster.

"Do you believe in destiny?"

Cinder's eyes narrowed, and she paused briefly, processing what she had just been said. Tears seemed to well in her eyes, letting the spearmaiden know she'd had her final jab.

"Yes." She responded bluntly, before stepping back. With outstretched arms, she called together her bow, forming an arrow in her hands, stretching the bowstring back and aiming directly at Pyrrha's heart.

The spearmaiden resisted the urge to close her eyes, to turn away from her doom.

'… _I'm sorry.'_

Ruby clambered up over the edge of the balcony, just in time to witness her friend's execution. No time to reach over, no time to save her, no time even to shout out one last comforting remark to let her friend know she was not alone.

Cinder let loose her arrow, sinking it directly into Pyrrha's chest.

In that moment, of course, all things being equal, any number of possibilities could have happened. Pyrrha could've grasped the arrow out of the air, rolled out of the way, Ruby could've rushed and pushed her out of the way, or a stray gale of air would sink the arrow into the girl's shoulder.

The world is full of infinite possibilities, after all. What reason to think that this moment of all moments wouldn't have the same property?

 _This_ possibility, however, was one a logical man would refer to as 'rather bloody unlikely'. In the space between the arrow flying from Cinder's bow, and the arrow hitting Pyrrha, something unusual happened.

Not a moment before, the spearmaiden was staring death in the face, an arrow flying towards her heart to finish her off, her murderer staring her down with nothing more than a calm, deathly cold expression.

A blinding light suddenly filled Pyrrha's vision, and the spearmaiden was forced to look away, closing her eyes.

She squeezed them shut, waiting for the impact and the shooting pain of the arrow. It never came.

After half a minute, she opened her eyes, looking down at her chest. No arrow to be found. Somehow, the arrow that had until then been on an inexorable path to her was gone.

"…..huh?" She noticed something surprising.

The arrow was right in front of her hand, snapped in two and fading into ashes on the ground.

Looking up hurriedly, the spearmaiden saw Cinder was gone, with her bow cut in two and the only thing remaining of her being a waft of smoke where she had been standing moments prior.

"Ah. Fire really is a pest."

Pyrrha looked up towards her left at the voice instinctively, seeing Ruby, who was staring at something just beyond her field of vision. However, it didn't seem as if she'd said it; unless Ruby's voice had deepened into one of a man's, it was increasingly unlikely the reaper had been her saviour.

She looked down, breathing heavily and trying to ignore the throbbing pain in her heel. She was safe, for the immediate moment. That much, she knew.

"Hoy! Are you alright? You look like you had some trouble there. Fire really sucks, you know."

Pyrrha lifted her head to see a red gloved hand being offered to her. Slowly, she looked up at her saviour, following the yellow-clad arm to look him in the eye.

He was bald and plain looking- almost remarkable in his unremarkableness.

"Ah. I thought she'd be more of a challenge." The bald man sighed, shaking his head as he looked down at the waft of smoke that was once Cinder Fall. "I heard she had the power of a goddess, so I thought she'd be stronger….."

With a sigh, he brushed off some ashes from his shoulder. "I guess I really am too strong."

"….w-who…" Pyrrha shakily asked, barely pulling herself off the ground. "….w-who are you?"

"I'm….." The bald man pointed at himself with a thumb. "Just a guy who's a hero for fun."

And so a new legend was created in the world of Remnant; that of the man who could slay even the mighty Maidens in one strike with the power of gods within his crimson fist.

And he was named….. _Caped Baldy_.

* * *

"Do you like it? I think it's a masterpiece!" Nora announced happily.

Team RWBY and the other members of team JNPR were just staring at her in silence, mouths open wide.

"…..what…was that?" Pyrrha was the first one to speak, blinking rapidly as if she had yet to process what kind of eldritch text she had just been introduced to.

"Why do I get killed?!" Cinder complained. "Seriously? Firstly you rob me of my best scene and now you kill me?! This is stupid."

Ren sighed, picking up a lean book with the title 'One Punch Man' from the desk. "Seriously, Nora?"  
"What? I hated the ending!" Nora shrugged. "I mean, who wrote that crap?"

Pyrrha slapped her forehead with her palm, exasperated. "There's better ways of improving it. I'm not particularly sure you did the best one, Nora."  
"But…..think about it! Saitama just….punching Cinder in the face!" The berserker gestured in the air with fists aimed at Jaune's face. "See? Is that not awesome? I think it's awesome. Come on, Ren, tell them!"

"…she's been obsessed with fixing that ending ever since she found out they wrote you out." Ren sighed, shaking his head. "Sorry about that, Pyrrha."  
"Well, I'm as annoyed as the next-wait, they did WHAT?!" The spearmaiden stared at him with wide eyes. "Show me!"

Ren passed her one of the scripts for the newest episode of RWBY, and Pyrrha flipped through the pages.

"…..and 'this is the part where Pyrrha-'…..are you KIDDING ME?!" The spearmaiden cried in protest. "….you know what, let me write something better. Please move aside, Nora, I can do a better piece than these guys did."

Cinder rolled her eyes. "So I'm just not going to get a good scene, am I? Why can't I just have my big scene? It makes me look cool for once!"  
"Oh, save it." Jaune shrugged. "The fans hate you for killing Pyrrha off anyway. And anyway, why is it that all the blondes in this series lose their love interests? I mean, Ruby's dad lost TWO of his love interests, I lose Pyrrha, Yang loses Blake-"

"Hey, i-it isn't canon!" Blake retorted, blushing. Yang merely chuckled, wrapping her arm around her teammate and pulling her closer, purring.

"Oh? What's wrong, Blakey~? Don't act like you don't want some of this~"

"T-that's not true! I-I d-don't fantasise about you….a-and me on a balcony….I-I'll just…." The catgirl looked down, embarrassed.

Pyrrha sighed, shaking her head and erasing everything she could, stopping at the part where Cinder was about to shoot her in the heart. "Alright. Let's see if I could write a better ending to this episode."

* * *

Instead, suddenly, Pyrrha found the strength to grasp the arrow from the air with one hand, before tackling Cinder to the ground with a mighty roar. Ignoring the gaping wound in her heel, she turned to see Ruby, staring at her in surprise and awe. Cinder's bow fell aside, skittering to the side as Pyrrha grabbed her shield with the tiny bit of Aura she had regained.

She stared the shocked Cinder in the eyes as she pinned her to the ground underneath her legs.

"Screw destiny."

With that blunt statement, Pyrrha slammed her shield into the would-be goddess' face, knocking her out cold.

With that, the day was saved, and Pyrrha was declared the Hero of Vale. Cinder was arrested and everyone forgot about her.

And Pyrrha and Jaune went on to get married and have lots of babies and Pyrrha did not in fact die horribly at the hands of an insane pyromaniac with a legion of fanboys.

The end.

* * *

"….better." Ren rolled his eyes, exasperated. "Right."

Jaune just looked away, embarrassed. "L-lots of…..babies? But that would involve-"  
"Ugh." Weiss made a disgusted face. "Really, Pyrrha? I knew you liked him but…keep your perverted fantasies to yourself."

The spearmaiden blushed. "Eheheheh…."

"Wonderful." The gunslinger sighed. "Well, as Pyrrha's gone insane and I need to figure out what kind of insane idea it was to go show the script to the guys acting it out, I'm going to go get myself an aspirin."

"There should be a law." Pyrrha complained. "Why is it that all the mentors always get killed? Obi Wan, Mami, Kamina, Mufasa…..there should be a law against that!"

"You're telling me!" Torchwick spoke up. "They just up and killed me by having me eaten by a Griffon in my big scene! You'd think there'd be a law against killing handsome villains with excellent fashion and a good sense of humour, but _noooo_!"

Yang grumbled. "Excuse you? I lose the girl AND my arm! Might as well turn me into Edward Elric at this point! At least you could make more jokes about Qrow then!"

"You lose the girl, but at least you're alive! I just don't even get to be with Jaune!" The spearmaiden reminded her. "I've been waiting THREE volumes just to KISS him! Three!"

Cinder sighed, rubbing her temples exasperatedly. "Well, they're never going to stop arguing.

And this, kids, is why you never make sequels to comedies. They're never funny."

* * *

 **END**

* * *

 **A/N: Alright, NOW I'm out of jokes. From here on, I'll still be annoyed about Pyrrha's death, but instead of making fun of it I'll just write relentless Arkos fluff like you wouldn't know.**

 **So, I hope you enjoyed that, leave your ideas, comments, thoughts, criticisms, reviews and suggestions, and I hope you have a GREAT day!**

 **And really, this is it. That's all there is. No stinger. Nothing about the non-existent next chapter of this fic. Really. If you want more of this, go read** **momoxtoshiro's** **On Wings of White or one of the far inferior fixfics written about it. I can't guarantee they'll be as terrible as this, but hey, they're there.**

 **Only joking. I love you guys. Okay, I'm done now! Have a great day!**


End file.
